


He Really Loves You

by TaylorCee591



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas said no, Dean isn't talking to Cas, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 17:52:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10746804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaylorCee591/pseuds/TaylorCee591
Summary: Dean isn't talking to Cas and Sam can barely stand it anymore. After work it's Cas' turn to drive them home so when he and Sam are stuck in traffic Sam decides to corner Cas about the subject. But it might take more than Sam to make them all realize what's important, something unexpected.Inspired by Garth Brooks' song "He Really Loves You", if you haven't heard it I highly recommend it, it made me cry the first time.





	He Really Loves You

Cas reached over and lowered the volume of the classical music in his car and sighed. Everything was pressing down on im today and the music was just making it worse. Between Dean and work- Mostly Dean.

“This is ridiculous,” Sam said, exasperated, sitting in the passenger seat.

“Something must have happened,” Cas guessed and turned the radio on, searching for a news channel.

They’d been stuck in traffic since they’d left Downtown.

Sam rock from side to side, trying to see ahead as a few people in the queue had done, were doing and would do. However the rain, darkness and angle combined with the varying heights of the cars preceding cars made it impossible to anything far enough.

“No,” he shook his head, “I can’t see anything.”

“Of course, if you can’t see it it isn’t there,” Cas snapped and Sam’s eyebrows raised as Cas’ eyes closed. “I apologize.” He looked at Sam, his sincerity on his brow, mixing with the strain he was feeling.

Sam nodded. “It’s okay,” he said, well aware of the reason behind Cas’ stress. “Have you heard from Dean?” Sam had been wary of broaching the subject knowing that Cas had been on the edge for days. And if he was anything like Dean then he’d just run away when Sam mentioned it, so, being stuff in traffic seemed to be the best time to test the waters.

Cas looked ahead, his face becoming tenser. “No,” he said tersely. “He still won’t talk to me.”

“He’s hurt,” Sam said. “You know what he’s like, he’d retreated into his cave to lick his wounds.”

“Yes,” Cas said distractedly. “Maybe he’s right, maybe we shouldn’t be together.”

Sam turned to look at Cas quickly. “What?” Cas just looked out of the windshield. “I always thought you two would be together forever.”

“You do?” Cas asked and looked at him.

“Yeah, I think everyone was more shocked than anyone would normally be when you said no.”

“I didn’t say no,” Cas corrected as Sam turned is head to observe him. “I just- It’s a life long commitment.”

“So?” Sam blurted out, his eyebrows dipping to show his confusion. “Don’t you love him?”

“Of course I do, more than anything,” Cas replied, as if it hurt, and closed his eyes.

He saw Dean looking up at him, his smile hopeful and genuine before he made a joke about keeping him waiting and the laughter grew around them. And then it faded, looking at Cas, with everyone they knew standing around them watching what was supposed to be the happiest moment of their lives.

“So what’s the problem?” Sam asked.

“I just don’t think Dean understands-”

“You don’t-?” Sam started, incredulous.

“He’s not religious, Sam!” Cas snapped and looked at him. “If we stood in a church, getting married, he’d be pledging to me in front of his friends and family but I’d be pledging in front of God too. I can’t decide to do something like that punch-drunk on him.” He looked ahead again, his voice lowering and less aggressive. “I love him, I really do, and I want to be with him for ever, Sam. In this life and in the next. But, I need to know two things before I can enter into this next stage. I need to look deep down inside of myself and ask if I’m ready for this. Really ready. Not because I doubt my love for Dean, but because I need to know if I’m mentally and emotionally in the right place to honor that commitment, to Dean and to God. I don’t want to rush into this and ruin it because I was immature or naïve or because my faith wasn’t strong enough.”

Sam looked ahead and thought about what Cas was saying. He wondered for the first time how hard it must have been for Cas to come to terms with being gay if he was this religious. Dean had spoken about it with Sam but he thought that Dean was exaggerating; everyone was strictly religious in comparison to him.

“And I need to know that Dean has done that too, that he’s looked at himself, really been truthful with himself that he’s ready. I need to know that, free from any other influence he knows what this means for me and that he’d willing to give the same back. That this isn’t just a whim.”

There was a few moments of silence, punctuated by a few distant car horns and traffic on the other side of the highway. They moved without problems, although slower than usual as a result of being too interested in whatever it was that was holding up the other side.

Sam chuckled a little and Cas looked at him. “Do you two talk at all?” he asked and Cas’ eyes narrowed at him. “Do you seriously think he hasn’t decided what he truly wants?” Sam shook his head disbelievingly. “Do you think Dean goes to church with you every Sunday because what, the TV is rubbish?”

Cas looked down, he never understood why Dean went with him and he always felt guilty; as if he were trapping Dean in a situation that made him uncomfortable.

“He does it because he understands that it’s part of who you are. He’s there, sitting next to because he wants to be a part of it, he wants to try and understand how important it is to you, how it affects you, guides you.” Sam smiled as if remembering something. “You know, when we were kids, even up to when you started dating, he used to say that religion ‘controlled’ people but a month with you and he corrected a zealot on the job, said it ‘guided’ people, even said it saved a few.”

“Really?” Cas asked.

Sam nodded. “Dean knew that this decision was about more than a piece of paper, rights or private property. It was more than looking through rose-tinted glasses at life, or even about being in love. He knows that it’s about devotion, about souls melding into one for eternity, even if they remain independent people, free to be themselves. For him it’s about knowing, in hi sheart, that you’re the one. But he knows that for you this is about looking into your heart and knowing that you want to be connected to him in this world and standing before your God in His kingdom, as one, and knowing that, physically and mentally, you kept  the promise you made at that alter, in front of Him and everyone else you love. Dean knows that being connected to you, heart and soul, means sharing that with God.”

“He does?” Cas asked softly. “How do you know?”

Sam’s mouth slowly formed into a smirk. “Do you really think those were _my_ words?”

Cas looked ahead but then they were both distracted by an ambulance passing them on the hard shoulder, it’s speed reduced to account for the rain.

“Oh, no,” Sam said, echoed by Cas.

Cas lowered his head and closed his eyes to say a prayer for those involved.

“Now we know why we’re at a standstill,” Sam said and glanced to Cas. “Sorry,” he said and resumed looking out of the window. He looked along the lines of cars to the red light in the distance and saw people getting out of their cars and then looked behind them to see the same thing.

“Amen,” Cas muttered and looked up.

“They’re pointing,” Sam said and Cas rocked from side to side, seeing people on the hard shoulder, doing just that. “Behind us too,” Sam said looking back as Cas turned and looked out of the rear windshield.

The pair shared a look and then reached for their seat belts and the door handles as they got out. Cas joined Sam on the hard shoulder, looking into the distance, trying to see through the rain and the limited light of headlamps. They quickly began to get soaked and tried to look passed the mass of people who were either braving the weather, putting up hoods, umbrellas or opting to get back in their cars.

“Dammit,” Sam said as they began to see what the holdup was.

About half a mile down the road there was a makeshift road block of a police car sitting sideways in the middle of three lanes with its lights on, an officer standing by the car and talking into his radio before he ran off to join his other colleague who was standing beside an eighteen-wheeler on its side, diagonally across all of the lanes.

Sounds of sirens made everyone aware that more help was approaching on the hard shoulder and so everyone moved either onto the grass sides or in between the cars, where Sam and Cas took refuge as the wheels kicked the rain on the surface up as they barrelled passed. They all stepped out again as an ambulance and police car slowed while they travelled down towards the scene.

In response to the lights and sirens the police officers turned and then set off in orchestrating a plan they seemed to have planned at some point. This involved one officer getting in the car and driving it forward and angling in cross the far lane to allow for the two ambulances to get in and then the second police car to park in the space.

As the first car was moved it revealed a car behind it that was previously unseen to Sam and Cas, as well as people further back in the queue of traffic, it was still hard to see because of the weather, distance and color of it, it was black.

But then the three additions lit up the scene, the car was on its side beside the truck and trailer and some bit of metal and other debris littered around on the road.

Sam’s brow dipped and Cas’ face fell, it looked familiar. The back of the car was untouched by the crash and the shape of the car made them try to think why it would ring bells for them.

Cas reacted quicker to the sudden feeling of nausea in his stomach and took off running before Sam placed the car and then ran after him.

It was Dean’s car.

The rain pelted them as they ran, as first Cas had to dodge people as he ran but then they all moved like they had done for the emergency services. Despite his height advantage Cas stayed ahead of Sam as they desperately tried to gain speed.

“No, no, no,” Cas repeated as he rain, the force of the shower on his face meant he didn’t even know he was crying. “Please, God, no,” he sobbed.

He could see Dean laughing nervously as he got down on one knee in front of everyone at Cas’ birthday party in the _Roadhouse_. But then he saw the pain in his face as Cas tried to run after him into the parking lot. He remembered the way they’d met; one hand on his shoulder, that’s all it took to save him. He’d seen Dean step onto the road as some idiot ran a red light and he’d pulled this stranger back onto the sidewalk at the last second.

Dean had bought him a drink to say thanks and somehow they’d ended up in bed that night. Something Cas had never done before, something he’d prayed forgiveness for. But he’d never seemed to control himself when it concerned Dean, everything he’d known, every personal commandment he’d spent his life following blurred. That was why he’d been unable to say yes to Dean, because he was too worried that even if he thought he was ready it was due to the fact that he was letting himself get caught up in him again.

“Please, no,” Cas whispered as if between him and just one other entity. His feet slapped the wet road and he watched the red lights up above while paramedics ran around with stretchers. Cas’ eyes never left the second police car, where the black car would be, waiting for it to come into view. Everything got more into focus the closer he got and he tried to wipe his face as he ran.

Dean hadn’t spoken to him since that night and even if he never spoke to Cas ever again he just needed to hold him, to know that he was okay. He’d never felt so desperate. “Anything, anything but this,” he tried to bargain.

Sam’s hair was soaking and it swung around heavily as he ran. He was thinking about the brother that’s been living with him since he walked out of the party, he’d been so unhappy and out of touch with the usual Dean. He thought about when they were kids and would sit on the hood of their dad’s car and watch the stars, talking about wrestling or girls. Looking back now, Sam remembered that’s where they’d been when Dean had told Sam he liked men too. They’d laughed, that was all. There was no talk, no heart to heart, no chick-flick moment. Just laughter and stars. He looked up as he ran; not a star in the sky.

It all started to come into focus for Cas and up close it looked so much worse. The car was crushed in the middle where, he could only guess later, it had gone under the truck. The license plate was in half and hanging in two places by the screws.

Cas stopped and fell to his knees on the hard shoulder at the side of the police car and let out a yell that echoed and made everyone turn and look. He then let his torso fall forward and his palms hit the hard, wet ground with a piercing pain. He exhaled hard, trying to catch his breath while Sam came to a stop next to him and exhaled hard himself, brushing his dripping hair from his face.

“That’s not-” He exhaled once more in relief.

“Thank you,” Cas muttered as he closed his eyes and tried to get a hold of himself but continued to sob.

“Thank God,” Sam said and then looked down at Cas. “Cas?” He heard Cas sobbing and leaned down beside him, putting his hands on Cas’ shoulders and arms, trying to get him to sit back on his ankles. “Cas, it’s okay. It’s not Dean’s car, Cas-”

Cas nodded but he didn’t stop crying and Sam tried to wipe the rain from his face, which flashed red from the emergency lights just ahead, to let him open his eyes but he couldn’t, he just collapsed against Sam and continued to cry. It was as if all of the emotion and Cas had been holding back since that night came flowing out. Sam didn’t hear the police officer behind him ask if Cas was okay and he decided not to try asking again. Sam felt Cas grab his right side and then cling onto his t-shirt while his right came up and gripped onto Sam’s shoulder as he buried his face in the front of Sam’s left jacket lapel.

“It’s okay, Cas,” Sam said and lifted his right hand to cup Cas’ head and turned around to see the police officer walking over to a stretcher was being wheeled towards an ambulance but it seemed to only be to get out of the rain as the person strapped in was completely covered by the comforter. Already gone.

“Thank you,” Cas said, but he wasn’t talking to Sam.

It _was_ a black Impala but wasn’t a ’67 and the license plate wasn’t Dean’s.

>><< 

 Sam nodded reassuringly to Cas as they stood in the hall of the apartment complex. Both of them had dried a little but wet sill dripping wet, as were Cas’ car seats. Sam put his key in the door of his apartment and went inside. As he closed the door behind him Cas turned on the spot, put his hands on his hips and then put them flat on the wall beside the door and pushed his hips out as he looked down, closed his eyes and exhaled, feeling sick about what could happen now and still emotional from earlier.

The front door of Sam’s apartment opened straight into the living room with the kitchen off to the right, without a wall or door separating them. An open doorway towards the back led to the bathroom and two bedrooms, the main of which Sam shared with his girlfriend Jess and the second of which Dean had been using since he’d stormed out of the party.

Dean was sitting on Sam’s couch in jeans and a t-shirt, a smudge on his face indicating he’d been at work, staring at the TV with a beer bottle just leaving his lips. He reached for the remote and turned the TV down.

“Hey,” Sam said, closing the door and looking at his brother who barely looked up as he swallowed the beer and let the bottle rest, still in his hand, on the end of the armrest.

“Hey, you’re late,” Dean commentated, managing to sound completely uninterested in any conversation that would prompt.

“Yeah,” Sam said, standing and looking at Dean then glancing to the TV, seeing that Dean was watching _‘Dr Sexy’_ again, “there was a big wreck that held us up.” Dean hummed. “Have you spoken to Cas?” Sam asked, deciding to just dive right in.

Dean sighed. “You know I haven’t,” he said.

“How do I know?” Sam asked.

“Because you work with the guy, Sam. You nerds even car pool. Whose turn was it this week?”

Sam looked down, putting his hands in his jacket pockets as he muttered, “Cas’.”

“Yeah, exactly,” Dean said with a nod, putting his half-empty beer on the end table to his right.

“When are you gonna call him?” Sam asked, remembering Cas’ sobbing just an hour again.

“Who said I am?” Dean asked, his eyes moving to look at Sam, a certain sharpness in them, telling Sam that Dean was not in the mood for any crap.

But neither was Sam, not after what he’d seen.

“You have to!” Sam blurted out. “You will eventually, right?”

“Why?” Dean asked quickly. “Just humiliate myself even further?”

“How would that-?”

“I asked him to marry me, Sam!” Dean shouted.

Cas had been pacing the small patch of carpet between Dean’s front door and the neighbor’s across the hall and he froze when he heard Dean shouting. He felt relief at knowing he was okay but also pain. He turned his head to the door and then let it drop before he decided to take a seat on the steps leading up to the next landing. He let his head fall into his hands, his elbows resting on his legs.

“I know-” Sam nodded, his voice soft.

“And he said no!” Dean spat.

“He didn’t-” Sam started shaking his head.

“Did you hear him say yes?” Dean asked, his jaw still set and his voice still angry but not as loud. “Did you?” He stood up and stepped towards Sam. “Because I heard, ‘Dean, we should talk in private about this’.” He pointed to his temple. “Those are burned into my memory, I’m not likely to forget them.”

“And did you?” Sam asked. “Did you talk to him? No, you stormed out.”

“He-!” Dean started, gesturing to the door.

Sam took his hands out of his jacket pockets and put them out. “Hey, I get why you did!” Dean inhaled and seemed to calm a little as he dropped his arms. “I totally get it, I probably would have done the same. You were hurt and embarrassed but after that passed- Did you talk to him?”

“Who said it’s passed?” Dean asked and then walked around the table towards the kitchen.

Sam followed him a couple of steps. “Well, _I’ve_ spoken to him.”

Dean leaned his palms on the kitchen island. “Have you?” he asked, bitterly.

“Yes,” Sam said.

“Good for you,” Dean sulked.

“He really loves you, Dean,” Sam said, sounding like he was pleading.

“Really feels like it,” Dean said, dismissively.

“He didn’t say no, but the reasons he didn’t say yes, they weren’t because he doesn’t love you or-”

“Reasons?” Dean repeated with a cruel laugh. “Plural? This just gets better.”

“Oh, will you just _listen_?!” Sam exclaimed. “It’s not because he doesn’t love you or want to marry you, Dean. He’s worried he won’t be able to honor the commitment _to you, to God._ That he’s not mature enough, that he’s not good enough for marriage, not good enough to stand in front of God. That he’s not good enough _for you_ , Dean.” Dean paused before he turned his head to look at Sam. “Of course he’s worried you don’t or won’t understand the religious aspects of it. But, _Dean-_ ” He stopped, exhaled and let his shoulders drop. “You should have seen him when we saw the wreck.” Sam put his hands in his jeans pockets and looked down, Dean watching him as he started to look upset. “It was a black _Impala_.” Dean turned a little, looking at his little brother trying to seem unfazed. “He ran down the hard shoulder like a bat out of hell. And when we realized it wasn’t you he-” Sam stopped and let his head hang.

Dean turned more. “What?” he asked, not being able to stop himself.

Sam sniffed and looked up at Dean, his eyes red around the edges. “He was on his knees on the hard shoulder thanking God.” He pursed his lips in an attempt at a small smile. “He was bawling- straight up bawling for fifteen minutes, Dean. I know because I was the one on my knees next to him, holding him to me, so don’t you dare tell me he doesn’t love you-” Sam’s voice broke. “Because he really loves you, Dean.” He nodded. “Really.”

Dean’s eyes dropped to the floor while Sam wiped his tears before they fell and swallowed a strain in his throat as he tried to gather himself up again. Dean then stared forward.

“Were they okay?” he asked, not sure what difference it made to this situation but not sure what else to say.

“No,” Sam said. “Three body bags.” Dean closed his eyes. “The car went under an out of control eighteen-wheeler on the soaked road.”

Dean nodded, his eyes still closed. All he could think about was what he would do if Cas was in one those body bags. He felt his stomach lurch and the mere suggestion.

Sam felt like stamping his feet. “Dean, come on, what are you _doing_?”

“I know,” Dean agreed, his brow tensing. “But it hurt, Sam,” he whispered.

“Why?” Sam asked. “Because you thought that he didn’t love you, because it didn’t go the way you expected it or because everyone saw it?” Sam stared at the back of his brother’s head. “Because everyone on that road saw Cas on is knees in the rain but he didn’t care, because he loves you and he’d been holding it in since you left the party, thinking you were in that car made it burst through.” Dean looked to Sam again. “He just wants to make sure that you are doing the right thing, he just wants to do it _right_ so that he doesn’t lose you just because he was caught up in the moment. Even after seeing the wreck he didn’t suddenly decide you should get married because he wants nothing more than for you to be together forever, even if it means,” Sam couldn’t believe his brother was this stubborn, “waiting to get married-” Dean was nodding, he knew it all and yet he’d let hurt put distance between them that could have resulted in never seeing him again. “Oh, for _God’s_ sake, Dean!” Sam shouted in frustration.

“I know!” Dean shouted back and turned, walking passed Sam, grabbing his car keys and jacket.

Sam turned, a smile spreading on his face as Dean opened the door and looked as Cas turned from where he’d been pacing near the neighbor’s door again.

Dean dropped his jacket and keys on the spot and walked to Cas, grabbing him in a tight hug.

“God, I’m so sorry,” Cas said, his eyes closed tight as he hugged him back, he felt relief at being able to finally hold him, to know _for absolute certain_ that he was okay.

“You better be,” Dean said, his eyes closed and inhaling the smell of Cas and rain.

“I am,” Cas said. “I just wanted-”

“We’ll talk,” Dean said. “Not now.”

“I’m just happy you’re okay,” Cas said as Sam walked to the doorway to look at them. Cas leaned back and lifted his hand to Dean’s face, looking over his face as if trying to memorize his features.

“I was gonna come and see you,” Dean said. “To tell you I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you dare drive anywhere when you’re feeling emotional, unless you’re calm don’t you dare get in your car, ever again, okay?” Cas asked, tears beginning to form again. Dean nodded. “I mean it, promise me.”

“I promise,” Dean replied with a nod and then they kissed before they hugged again.

Cas looked at Sam and mouthed ‘thank you’ to him.

Sam nodded, picked up Dean’s things and closed the door over again. He dumped Dean’s keys beside the bowl he never used and hung his jacket off before he took his own off and went to the fridge to get his own beer. He took one out and closed the door and looked at the picture stuck to the fridge – it was he and his girlfriend during a Halloween party while they were at university. She was dressed like a nursed and Sam was dressed like Sam: he hated Halloween.

He didn’t know what he would do without her. Or his brother. He remembered when they were kids and Dean had been beaten up for hustling pool to feed the two of them. It was so bad he was taken to the emergency room. Sam just thanked God that he’d been okay that time and this time. He was glad it hadn’t been he and Cas driving beside the truck. He could only imagine Dean’s reaction if Cas had died, especially after refusing to talk to him for so long. Hell, if it hadn’t been for the car pool Sam wouldn’t have had to drive Cas’ car for him when he struggled to stop shaking and then drive home out of habit, then he wouldn’t have been able to convince Cas to come up and let him try to talk to Dean and then maybe Dean would have realized one day soon that he needed to talk to Cas and drive over there, emotional and in a hurry.

All of this could have ended very differently.

Sam kissed two of his fingers, pressed it to Jess in the photo and walked to the couch to sit down. Outside Dean and Cas didn’t look like they were ready yet to let go and Jess sat in the office at her firm completely unaware of anything that had been going on.

However, later that night one family weren’t so lucky when two soaking police officers knocked their front door and told them that a woman, her son and his cousin weren’t coming home that night.

After reading the paper when more information was released Dean learned more about the Braeden family and visited their graves to thank them, to tell them that in death they saved his life.


End file.
